Goooooooood morning Vietnam!! (And now, please say you’ve seen “Good Morning Vietnam,” otherwise this subtle reference was completely wasted on the wrong people.)
Hellooooooooo!!!! (Now think of the scene from Mrs. Doubtfire when Robin Williams smooshes (smoshes? Smushes? Smoushes??! Ah. Smuuuushes) his face into a cake because he had just lost his face mask, and was trying to keep the whole masquerade going. Don’t ask me why, I’m feeling in the Robin Williams mode, just go with it. R.I.P. to the one who went robin our hearts.)
Anyways, hello my friends!! I have missed you so much, as I am now just climbing up from the earth’s face from where I had fallen. And the reason I call you my friends is because I know you care so much, and because I feel like I can begin any conversation as if we were already in conversation, if you know what I mean. I’m sure you do.
Anyway, the reason that I haven’t posted for so long is because of this ‘lil cutie. I mean, who turn away from that face to write ridiculous self-consumed junk?
(Now here is where I insert the picture of our new adorable golden retriever, but I’m going to pause for effect… or affect? Ah… aeaeaffect. “Now that’s better!”- [insert here little cheesy song jingle… what’s that from again? Ahh just thought of it as I’m proofreading this. Wendy’s. Stupid commercials…]).
(Haven’t pushed play yet….)
(“Play the movie!!” “Yah, play!!”)
(Ok, I will, I guess. Once again, if you’re a movie guru, and listen to the DVD title menu music for hours on end because you can can can, such as the movie, oh say Shrek, you would know exactly what I’m talking about).
(Ok, and play).
So yeah. It’s pretty much impossible to steal myself away from her, because she’s too busy stealing my heart. Or my shoes. Or my fingers.
Anyway, I thought it was about time that I wrote something, not to mention something during the odd hours of the night when most people are dreaming sweet dreams of sugarplums and Kanye West spoofs. And something that made absolutely no sense. This is what you have been missing. My mind has been unleashed, like a “puppy on the run” (another jingle, but one from our family fam fam)- which, when unleashed in the house, she does run.
So here I am, writing something. I had a whole amount of things I was going to talk about, like New Years Resolutions, and all of these witty things, but phew, look at them!! They just shot off like a rocket through my window! And broke the glass too. Rude.
So I think I might save that for another time, because, that’s what I do. Plus it’s getting close to 4 am, and my cuckoo clock is bound to go off any second.
…just kidding about that clock. I have ten more minutes until it goes off, so I should be fine.
Anyway, I’m still gonna go. I’ve drinken (drunken, dranken? Drinken? Bah, I give up. Though if you were a sheep, you’d say ba-a-a-a-a I give up. But you’re not, because sheep can’t read, and you can. Though I don’t think they’d be dumb enough to continue reading this, they’d say it’s so ba-a-a-a-ad that they have to stop. You should stop reading it too. And I should stop writing. [and this is when the blog writer instantly feels guilty for calling her readers stupid, and where she decides to quit writing for the night, and call it a night, or morning, or day, depending on which time zone you’re in])…
I decided not to even continue that sentence because it was getting too long, if you know what I mean… (now get your head out of that gutter!! You filthy, filthy minds!!! [and once again, the blog writer instantly feels guilty for assuming that the readers’ minds are filthy, and decides to stick to poetry from now on: mainly haikus, with this type of format:
Here is a haiku
I wish that it could rhyme some
I should stick to prose
And here the blog writer decides to agree with the haiku, and continue writing prose and making weird jokes.])
If you’ve stayed with me for this long, I admire your endurance. I will spare you finally, by ending here with an inspirational message: don’t write poems, unless you really can.
And that concludes our show of “What’s going on at 3 am in Jen’s Brain”! Thanks for sticking around, we’ll see you next week! Coming right up, “the cuckoo clock that didn’t go off, because the sound wasn’t turned on to begin with!” Right after the break.
This is why I don’t have a life. Thank you, television.